


Like a Candle

by juuvio



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Kuroo is a studyholic, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Side Relationships - Freeform, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juuvio/pseuds/juuvio
Summary: Golden success and perfectly straight A's isn't always so pretty on the inside.Where Kuroo finds something that threatens to over shine his consuming desire to be painfully perfect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I only have 209840298342 fics to finish whoops. And of course... this one is probably going to fall into the depths of angst. Again. I mean I'm going to attempt to fit in some more fluff and dumb crap because hey it's bokuro in college, they _have_ to do stupid shit!  
>  I have a little headcanon that Kuroo would probably study himself to the grave if anyone let him, so here I am mulling over the idea of what if he goes too far with it. Because we all know plenty of people who sadly burn themselves out for those desired grades.  
> Hope you guys enjoy! Oh and also, rating and tags may change later on.

Kuroo squinted at the bright screen, lids beginning to weigh heavily with creeping exhaustion and lethargy from the many hours spent on yet another last minute assignment. He took a swing from his steaming cup of coffee, black and bitter which served as more of a power through rather than a soul warming drink to comfort him. 

 

The visible tremble in his typing hands was easy to disregard, for himself at least, may it not be the same case for another student within the 24 hour library catching the jitters and shakes from a mile away. Though his mind was racing and buzzing, the helpful focus the Adderall aided him with was a perfect magic shortcut to getting his assignments done at top quality, even when doing them the night before they’re due. 

 

Occasionally there was a twist of guilt and shame in his gut when people asked how he  _ did it.  _

 

_ “How do you always get straight, perfect A’s?”  _

 

_ “Where do you find the time to study so much?”  _

 

Not like the stuff was giving him extra brains or anything, just that much needed focus. Focus didn’t come easy to Kuroo, much like many other students where their natural ability laid within professional procrastination. Plenty of people turned to Adderall or something of the sort to help with studying, it wasn’t a big deal. 

 

After all, it was his mother that initiated the idea back in his second year at school due to his easily distracted nature. So it couldn’t have been bad or cheating in a way Kuroo thought in the back of his mind.

 

Kuroo always had the brains, however only with the attention span of a goldfish when it came to education. 

 

There was a simple, yet strict rule his mother applied to using it however. One at most a day, and only for homework and studying. It wasn’t a hard rule to follow, and Kuroo followed on without a single issue. 

 

Until the exam stress creeped up like a predator waiting to tear it’s prey down. 

 

A few more pills a day couldn’t hurt, it was only during exam period after all. Kuroo couldn’t bare to think about sacrificing a single moment to procrastinate. The disheartening truth was however…

 

Without it, he couldn’t even motivate himself to push a single limb out of bed. 

 

_ Just a lazy teen,  _ Kuroo would convince himself, so he needed that boost to be the successful child his parents always wanted.

 

Working towards perfect grades couldn’t hurt anyone, Kuroo was doing himself good and he knew he’d make his parents proud by the end of it. Adderall was just his handrail up a frighteningly steep staircase where even the slightest weight shift threatened Kuroo to stumble down to the ground floor again.

 

Being in college now however, that staircase was slowly morphing into an icy slope that couldn’t be made up without some sort of aid.  

 

“Chill on the caffeine a little, idiot,” a voice came, almost lost behind the buzzing and determination to just carry on typing out the paragraph. 

 

Kuroo tore his eyes away from the screen, feline glare landing on his familiar stunted friend sporting short strawberry blond hair. He always held that ever so disapproving scowl towards Kuroo in the approaching AM when the only form of light outside was artificial. 

 

A brief smirk rested on Kuroo lips as his burning mind finally associated the boy beside him with a name. “Yaku, what you doing here?” 

 

“You know it’s almost 1 AM, and Kenma said you haven’t been back to your room all day.” 

 

“Ah and funnily enough here you are at 1 AM to join me!” 

 

“To get your stupid ass to go to bed already! And also forgot to return some textbooks,” he said with a hum, nodding towards the thick books he set out on the table. “Don’t burn yourself out Kuroo, go to bed.” 

 

Anyone who knew Yaku knew there was little to no point whatsoever with arguing with his judgement, and whether Kuroo knew he wouldn’t be going to sleep anyway during his need to finish this assignment, the best he could do was at least make it appear like he’s taking apparently good advice. 

 

He gave a nod and was left alone to pack his belongings and return the textbooks he borrowed to the shelves of the large library. 

 

The cool air of approaching winter latched itself onto Kuroo’s fleeting skin, icy and bitter regardless of his piled on layers of clothing and the beanie doing little to prevent the cold from seeping to his scalp. A scarf might have been a smart idea, as the sharp chill always found ways to crawl over his entire body from finding the tiny spaces his clothes neglected to cover; his neck.

 

Though this should have been a brief moment of relaxing between the grueling studying, Kuroo couldn’t prevent his mind from  _ craving  _ to do his damn assignment while he was walking. He thought up of multiple paragraphs to type down the moment he got to his room and mentally rearranged them as though he had a notepad to plan effectively. It was almost maddening, but in a way soothed his rising nerves and creeping anxiety at the horrifying thought of  _ not  _ getting those perfect grades.  

 

Kuroo rummaged absentmindedly through his coat pockets to draw out the carton of cigarettes, tapping one out to place between his gradually chapping lips under the wintry breeze. He slowed his pace enough for the spark of the lighter to burn the end of the stick, picking up pace again while exhaling the initial milky cloud. 

 

There was a voice heard in the distance, likely nothing concerning Kuroo so he didn’t bother turning down the static noise upstairs, until the voice repeated itself and drew closer.

 

_ “ …aper please?”    _

 

_ Shit. What did he say?  _ Kuroo felt too sheepish to ask him to repeat himself, again, and alongside attempting to mentally backtrack and catch what he said, Kuroo was totally captivated by that incredibly unique hair. 

 

He stared and then blinked a couple of times at the student stood before him. Kuroo raised a brow at the strands of silver contrasting against the dark roots laced within. Looked like a damn horned-owl or something, which was quite the amusing thought for someone almost completely tweaked off their senses. 

 

Eventually, he gave up and pushed himself to smile apologetically. “Sorry, didn’t catch that,” Kuroo admitted, struggling to divert his intrigued gaze away from the man’s hair, and those almost golden eyes. Almost, but close enough. Owl for sure. 

 

“No problem! Just askin’ if you got any spare paper I can borrow? I left my notepad back in the dorm but I can’t be bothered to run back and I was suppose to write some notes down in the library and… yeah.” He spoke quickly, though his tone held a kind of confidence that felt natural.

 

Kuroo was tempted to mentioned he could easily get paper from the library but sparing a few pages of his own couldn’t hurt. He nodded with a smile and shouldered off the bag onto the ground, pulling out his notepad and tearing out a generous amount of pages carefully and handed it over to the owlish student. 

 

“Oh god, thanks so much man!” He clasped a strong hand over Kuroo’s back and jogged off with a wave. “See you later!” 

 

Kuroo hesitated for a moment, sparing a glance towards the back of the stranger gradually shifting to a blur in the distance. He huffed a brief chuckle to himself and turned away, continuing to tread back home.

 

However, he didn’t feel the golden gaze that landed on his retreating back shortly after turning away.

* * *

It would have been a painful lie to attempt to convince himself that he wasn’t even the slightest bit interested in the mystery stranger from the other night, though Kuroo’s chances in running into him again were edging closer to low. 

 

He didn’t get the highest quality look at him under the dim street lamps, but those eyes and certainly that hair stuck to his mind like gum would stick to his bed head. Was he balancing on the dangerous tightrope of a  _ crush? Bullshit,  _ he didn’t even know his name. 

 

Kuroo’s emotions ran high in a lot of situations, and catching feeling was one of the many curses he had to endure. Cute guy, probably straight and probably never going to enter his life ever again?  _ Of course _ Kuroo couldn’t stop thinking about him, that was just fucking perfect. 

 

Hold on, Kuroo halted his thoughts abruptly in distressed realization. He was thinking about a guy he met for 2 seconds more than studying? What kind of sorcery—

 

“What is it, Kuro?” 

 

With Kenma being his roommate, Kuroo was almost starting to believe in mind reading. It was either that or he was saying his thoughts out loud, but he was 99% convinced he wasn’t. “What’s what?” He asked, putting up his sweetest smile that didn’t even graze the surface of Kenma’s persistence. 

 

“You’re being too quiet, why aren’t you annoying me?” 

 

“I mean, would you like me to annoy you?”

 

That silenced Kenma for a few seconds at least, before he rebounded. “You being quiet is more annoying, what are you thinking about?” 

 

“An owl that’s pretty cute,” he said honestly, but not enough to convince Kenma enough to draw his stern glare away from him. “Or more specifically, a cute guy that looks a little like an owl that I’ll probably never see again?” 

 

There it was, the eye roll and the unpausing of his PSP game. “Oh.”

 

Never the one to be bothered about silly crushes and love lives, at least not until it begins to hurt.

 

Kuroo snickered quietly and let himself fall backwards onto his bed, staring blankly at the bland ceiling above. His eyes stung, his skin burned beneath the surface vaguely, and his mind felt like there was bugs crawling and eating away at the edges. The answer being he was tired was clear, but the excesses of caffeine and Adderall still lingered and clung desperately to him. Although the crash was approaching, his speeding mind refused to settle down for even the slightest moment enough for him to blink at the very least. 

 

The ache started in his temples, growing and clutching in his eye sockets, fatigue wearing away at his sluggish bones. Usually at this point he’d take another pill, maybe even two, but that would only look incredibly dodgy seeing as he’s suppose to be going to sleep. There wasn’t a single thing that could be done right under Kenma’s nose, his senses nearing demonic. 

 

Not like he needed it, it was whatever.

 

Kuroo attempted to sleep through the nuisance, but only resulted in excessive tossing and turning and bordering between unconsciousness and maddening alertness. Alongside of it all, he couldn’t bring himself give a shit about anything other than just taking more Adderall to quench that clawing and growing irritability and anxiety. So what if Kenma says something, it’s not illegal, not like it’s meth or whatever. 

 

He forced himself to await the softened breathing from the other student across the room before he reached in his bedside drawer for the bottle of Adderall— it was just to calm down a little. Nothing more. Not like there was a problem, and maybe with this time he could cram in a little more studying for the upcoming test he had in a couple of days, it’s all fine.  

  
  


In the end, the closest to sleep he got was several blinks in a space of a few seconds. Kuroo only had himself to blame for that, what moron takes Adderall before going to sleep? Though he could confidently say now he’s memorized an entire chapter of the textbook ahead of his next class in the morning, so it wasn’t too much of a futile sacrifice after all.

 

Kuroo shifted around under the covers restlessly until the clock hit 6 AM, knowing at least then if anyone saw him out of bed it was a relatively acceptable time to be awake— for early birds at least. 

 

He headed out the room to the bathroom to brush his teeth, padding carefully to not disturb Kenma sleeping soundly, when he heard distant voices in the kitchen but couldn’t quite pinpoint them to faces right away. Kuroo finished up with a pathetic attempt to flatten his bedhead even a tiny bit and made his way down to the kitchen, spotting Daichi conversing with what sounded like— and confirmed to be with a quick glance as Sugawara over FaceTime. Those two were always the usual early birds so Kuroo wasn’t too surprised to run into Daichi. 

 

“Moorning,” Kuroo drawled lazily, reaching the handle of the fridge to yank it open.

Daichi took a double take at Kuroo and knitted his brows together. Kuroo could only guess the odd look was because he was normally never up and around at this time unless he pulled an all nighter studying— which come to think of it was a lot of times. “Morning, sleep well?” 

 

“Well enough, I guess,” Kuroo lied, the lethargy slowly catching up on with him.

 

He hummed with a nod, directing his attention back towards the sandwich he was making for himself. “Would you like one?” 

 

“Nah it’s okay, I’ll wait ‘till the hunger hits me at full blast so I can scoff my face.”

 

A snort came from Daichi when Sugawara questioned who he was speaking to. “Just that annoying cat in my dorm—”

 

“Excuse you,” Kuroo snarked with a smirk softening his tone.  

 

The three spoke for a while longer, mainly about stressing over upcoming tests and regretting their decision to take on college. The subject of drowning all their sorrows with alcohol came into play and that honestly sounded like a perfect idea to Kuroo for a moment, because when was the last time he got shit faced drunk? 

 

Oh, not too long ago come to think of it, but long enough for his personal fun meter to be down in the red zone. He needed a drink, almost desperately, but should he really be wasting a good 8 hours on blacking out rather than securing that desirable A? 

 

“Don’t think about backing out Kuroo, all you do is study!” Daichi sliced Kuroo’s running thoughts with a figurative knife. “Take a break for once before you burst something upstairs.” 

 

Kuroo chuckled quietly and nodded a few times. “Yeah whatever, let’s go for drinks later then.” 

 

“And I better be invited because I sure as hell need a drink too.” 

 

The two turned towards the additional voice sourcing from the bottom of the staircase, and Kuroo’s eyes widened only just briefly at his moment of recognition. 

 

Damn owl hair.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Bokuto finally meet and bond over coffee and shots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure whether or update weekly or like twice a week or just screw a scheduled and post whenever agghh, ANYWAY.  
> Bit of pre-notice, there's some recreational drug use in this chapter (possibly/likely in later chapters too.)

“You,” Kuroo gaped, the words barely scraping the edge of the silent classification.  _ “I-forgot-my-notepad _ guy.” 

 

“Bedhead guy!” He exclaimed, stepping over to clasp a hand over Kuroo’s shoulder. So far Kuroo figured he was the kind of guy who didn’t know personal boundaries, but he didn’t mind.

 

“Uh wait you’re both in the same dorm and you don’t even know each other?” Daichi asked dubiously, raising a brow as he flicked his perplexed gaze between them.

 

“You’re in my dorm?” Kuroo asked for confirmation, and the apparently not-suppose-to-be stranger drew his brows together.

 

“You’re in  _ my  _ dorm?! What the hell I never see you— oh wait never mind, I do see you…Just always with your head in textbooks!” He tilted his head as he inspected Kuroo. “It’s the hair I recognized, it’s cool.”

 

_ Cool.  _ The poor sod believes that atrocious nightmare atop of Kuroo’s head is _ cool.  _ Most likely the only person to think that, which was almost laughable. The vague heat spreading beneath the skin of his cheeks was hard to ignore however.

 

“Bokuto Koutarou! I guess this is our first official meeting if we just forget about me stealing your paper.” The stranger— now known to be Bokuto, held out a hand towards Kuroo and gave a firm shake as their hands clasped together. 

 

“Kuroo Tetsurou, pleasure to meet someone with pretty damn cool hair,” Kuroo smirked. Now under better lighting, there wasn’t a detail to be missed this time. 

 

First of all, he was hotter than he initially thought and that was a big fucking problem. Second of all, those fucking biceps are very nearly going to rip the sleeves of his shirt which Kuroo would prefer to see off—  _ ah man.   _

 

“Well, you’re both as annoying as each other so you’ll get along well,” Daichi chipped in with a groan, turning away with a wave to leave the newly found friends to themselves. 

 

“He’s such a fed up dad,” Bokuto snorted, crossing those deadly arms across—  _ fuck, that chest.  _

 

Kuroo almost had to physically shake himself of those thirsty thoughts because God, he needs to stop.  _ School girl crush, stop it, stop it.  _ “That I can agree on, but then where would any of us be without him?” 

 

Bokuto erupted into laughter— contagious as it was, it was difficult to not smile at it. “Hey but dude, how come we haven’t spoke ‘till now?” 

 

There was a quick shrug as Kuroo tried to figure that out for himself. Same dorm, probably same friends because same damn dorm and all meaning the must have gone to the same parties at least… “I dunno man, probably just been caught up in our own shit too much to notice each other? I gotta admit, I don’t really know quite a few people in the dorm yet.”

 

The dorm building being several floors, it was understandable. Bokuto hummed to himself and nodded, perking up moments later. “Oh but you study a lot right?” 

 

Kuroo almost laughed because  _ of course _ he’d be known for studying. “More than what’s socially acceptable around here.” 

 

He giggled and leaned towards Kuroo. “Meaning you’re smart right? Because… I’m kinda falling behind in my classes and I could use help from someone who knows how to study like you do.”  

 

This was an awful idea. Kuroo had even the slightest of hopes that he’d be able to get over his 5 second crush if he just stopped staring at Bokuto but how the hell can he deny spending time with him? “And what do I get out of it?” Kuroo pushed with a smirk. 

 

“Coffee. A studyholic like you has got to like coffee.”

 

Duh. “Deal,” Kuroo confirmed, an indistinct feeling of a lump forming in his throat. Either that was from knowing it was a bad idea or his schoolgirl senses are going off the grid and in no time he’ll be feeling the butterflies. 

 

“Oh but I was serious about inviting me.”

 

He was confused for a moment as to what Bokuto was on about, until it finally came back to him. “Right, drinks. I mean you probably would have been anyway because… same dorm.” 

 

They seemed to clip together like pieces of a puzzle, talking with each other being as easy as fucking breathing. And it sure was odd they only starting talking now rather than months ago when the college term started. 

 

“I’d go fucking uninvited if I had to, no one leaves me out on drinking!” 

 

“You the kinda guy to handle your drink?” Kuroo challenged.

 

“You’re askin’ the wrong dude that,” Bokuto grinned back. “Let’s settle who can handle their drink better with a shot contest.”

 

Bad idea. Such a bad idea that Kuroo couldn’t bare to turn it down. “You’re on.”

 

“Oh perfect, you’ve found someone to encourage your stupidity,” another voice came from the stairs. He had short messy dark hair and and sharp, steel gaze. Now he was someone Kuroo noticed around the dorm and campus a few times, also being a face Kenma seemed comfortable with talking to that wasn’t Kuroo’s. “If either of you get alcohol poisoning you can take yourselves to hospital.” 

 

Kuroo and Bokuto raised their brows in sync and cackled out rambunctious laughs together. The poor guy glared at them like they were the same person and a distant sigh sourced from Daichi from the lounge area. 

 

“Pfff ‘Kaashi is no fun,” Bokuto said with his lips jutting out a pout. “Hey bro what you doing today? Wanna get coffee now?” 

 

Kuroo was taken aback with the sudden jump into action with the plans they made that it almost scared him off all together with carrying out any of them. It was just coffee with his dorm mate. Just a stupidity attractive and funny and—  _ yeah, just a guy.  _

 

“Sure, got class at 10 so I’ll go get dressed,” Kuroo said with a smile. 

 

“You guys can, you know… make coffee here?” Daichi suggested from the couch. 

 

“Oh boo hoo where’s the fun in a coffee date when you make the damn coffee yourself!” Bokuto called out as he sprinted up the stairs ahead of Kuroo. 

 

Coffee _ date.  _

 

 _Chill, it’s gonna be fine._ _Everyone says coffee dates._

 

It still did a little something to Kuroo’s faltering heart at that moment.

* * *

 

They walked to a café not even 5 minutes away from campus, cute and cozy and held comforting warmth from the wooden décor it was put together with. 

 

Kuroo personally hadn’t visited this particular café, but he trusted Bokuto’s judgement on it being so called “fucking awesome”, as he put it. He scanned down the chalk menu behind the counter and settled for a vanilla latte, not wanting to go in total overdrive with the caffeine by having another black coffee. 

 

As for Bokuto, he not so surprisingly didn’t fancy coffee or any sort of drink containing caffeine. Well, he sure did hold plenty of his own energy without, who the hell knows what he’d be like on caffeine. So instead he went with a… fruit slushie? 

 

“A slushie,” Kuroo said slowly, questioning Bokuto’s choice in drink. “It’s winter and you’re having a slushie?” 

 

“I radiate heat, man!” 

 

_ In looks too apparently, _ but Kuroo restrained himself from letting that thought slip past his lips. 

 

“Nah but seriously, winter is my dream, I’m always too hot in summer and I always need cold drinks to just cool the fuck down. Like right now, it’s boiling in here.” 

 

It was warm, but not quite warm enough for Kuroo, the outside chill still clinging to his skin. “Ah, one of those people.”

 

“Yep!” He laughed, a laugh that sounded so comforting and joyful. Kuroo could listen all day to it.

 

They found a table in the far corner of the café, away from the little amount of other students in the still waking morning. Kuroo sat opposed to Bokuto and they set their drinks down, along with a cheesecake Bokuto grabbed. 

 

“Sure you don’t want anything to eat man? You’re gonna be starved as soon as we leave,” Bokuto pushed, looking a little concerned. 

 

Kuroo’s appetite hadn’t been at it’s best lately, probably with his excessive use with Adderall. It was no problem though, once the tests were out the way he could cut back a bit. “I’ll find something later, no worries. Haven’t got a huge appetite in the morning.”

 

He furrowed his brows and held his hard gaze a few seconds longer before nodding. “Hey so like, you like any sport?” 

 

Sport was a subject that hadn’t crossed Kuroo’s mind in a while. “I played volleyball back in highschool, but lately I haven’t done so much other than jog to the bathroom after a bad takeaway.” 

 

“Volleyball?!” Bokuto cried with a hilariously exaggerated expression. “Dude, I  _ love  _ volleyball. Why don’t you join the college team?” 

 

“I wish, haven’t got any time for it though I might fall behind my classes,” he said glumly. “Let me guess, you pay more attention to volleyball than the rest of your classes?” 

 

Bokuto chuckled and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Well everything is so boring, I just wanna play volleyball! But my parents would be pissed if I fail my other classes so I gotta up my game on them a bit… and that’s where you come in!” 

 

Kuroo snorted and rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his steaming latte. “Yeah, gotta dedicate yourself to it though. You’ll usually find me in my room, or the lounge, or the library— Fuck, just have my number.”

 

Without Kuroo even raising his gaze up, he already felt the visible perk up from Bokuto. Just giving his number to a new friend in need, no big deal. He handed his phone over towards him and Bokuto wasted no time in puching in the digits to Kuroo’s number in his own phone, finishing off with shooting a text with lots of owl emojis. 

 

He snickered at the text and saved Bokuto’s number, slipping the phone back into his pocket. 

 

The morning carried on with various stories Bokuto told and was doing a good job at leading the conversation; Kuroo didn’t mind just listening for most of the time, Bokuto exuberance was surely contagious and it felt like his energy brought the entire café to life, and even Kuroo himself. 

 

Stealing a glance towards his phone was a motion Kuroo regretted. He almost forgot he had class in a mere 20 minutes and was almost tempted to skip it to just sit and listen to Bokuto ramble for a few more hours. 

 

He couldn’t though, every class was too important to miss. Kuroo would even attend hungover and borderline dying without question, but at this moment he considered even just a little about skipping for a  _ guy.  _

 

“Fuck,” Kuroo breathed. “I’ve gotta go to class man.”

 

“Aw shit, thanks for hanging with me! I’ll see you later?”

 

“Sure, just text me whenever,” Kuroo waved and headed out the door, picking up pace in a dumb attempt to get away from Bokuto and his thoughts quickly without making a dramatic scene. 

 

Not like he’d text him or anything, this was probably a one time thing. They’ll probably pass each other in the dorm halls occasionally and that’ll be the extent of it all. A vague rumble against Kuroo’s thigh slowed his pace and he drew out his phone, the screen lighting up. 

 

**Bokuto [09:45 AM]:** u said whenever right ;) 

 

Kuroo chuckled briefly before covering it with a pathetic cough to make it look less awkward that he was laughing to himself.

* * *

 

The plan to go out for drinks later than night almost left Kuroo’s memory all together, deep in the midst of studying before his phone was hounded by Bokuto’s entertaining texts. 

 

Nearing to 8 PM, Kuroo muttered obscenities under his breath as he realized he had barely any time to get ready. He removed his reading glasses and left them on the edge of the desk, heading over to the bathroom for a quick shower— as quick as he could at least as time seemed to skip forwards when enjoying the warmth of the water, and threw together a half assed outfit which consisted of ripped black skinnies with white converse and an earl grey sweater that hung loosely over his slender and gradually thinning down frame. 

 

Kuroo fiddled with his heavily pierced and gauged ears as he sprayed some cologne, glancing briefly towards Kenma’s bed which was empty. Had he gone out? Kuroo was sure he was there earlier— wait he was suppose to be coming with him, where did he go? 

 

**Kenma [19:23 PM]:** I’ll meet you there, meeting Keiji first.  

 

What’s with him and pretty boy? Kenma was spending more time with Akaashi than he was on his games, and that was sure saying something, and not to mention first name basis?  _ This is perfect.  _ Kenma getting close to Bokuto’s roommate couldn’t be any more convenient!

 

That was, if Kuroo stood a chance with Bokuto to begin with.  _ Nevermind.  _

 

He stole a glance towards his drawer and hesitated, eventually forcing his legs to move towards it. Kuroo opened it and sighed, mulling over if he should even bother with more Adderall.

 

Taking it would make his shot contest unfair with Bokuto and he knows for sure he’d win— was he honestly taking that shot contest seriously? 

 

_ Bokuto probably would. _

 

In an attempt to run away before he changed his mind, Kuroo slammed the drawer shut again and almost made a break for it. Until he realized he  _ really  _ wanted to take some. He had used Adderall for recreational purposes before, if not a lot of times, but he was beginning to notice it wasn’t working like it used to. 

 

Kuroo groaned, heading for the drawer again and pushing the bottle of Adderall aside, reaching towards the back of the drawer and pulling out a game case. Inside was a small plastic baggie containing tiny, broken white rocks. Beautiful Molly; rather something that was actually meant for parties and whatnot rather than wasting his precious study drug.

 

Kenma’s voice haunted the back of Kuroo’s mind, somewhere along the lines of asking why he couldn’t just be happy with alcohol on it’s own. It wasn’t the words that tied a guilt knot in Kuroo’s stomach though, it was that look of pure disappointment. 

 

Truth was, Kuroo was far too emotional on alcohol alone. He’d be willingly revealing all his weak points and that sure would be making the top news around here for weeks. Honestly, Kuroo’s risk of crying over his cat that died 3 years ago ran high when drunk.   

 

Crying was a nope. Absolute nope. Despite Kuroo’s excellent ability to hold himself together in even the toughest of situations, it  _ had  _ to be alcohol that undoes all his hard work to keep himself all shiny and iron. 

 

At least with MDMA in the mix, he’d be too horny, too chill and too utterly fucked to remember that his cat died. 

 

_ Damn, I miss that grumpy ass cat.  _

 

A loud knocking came at the door, much too strong for it to be Kenma who wouldn’t even knock because he never forgets his own key to the room. Kuroo stood still for a moment staring at the door before that boisterous voice confirmed distant suspicions. 

 

“Bro! Get out of there already, I wanna drink!” 

 

He actually came to Kuroo’s room… That was surprising. Kuroo huffed and pushed the baggie into his wallet before standing, swinging the door open with a grin. Fuck he looked good, basic black t-shirt with a white, black and yellow flannel shirt tied around his waist. Kuroo almost choked on his breath before he quickly regained his senses. “Hey man!” 

 

They interlocked their hands in a clasp with a loud  _ smack  _ and Bokuto held his free hand on Kuroo’s shoulder. “Kuroo, I gotta ask you something.”

 

“Me too, what the fuck is up with our roomies?” 

 

“I was gonna ask that too!” He gaped. “‘Kaashi is being all hush hush about shit and like… Dude. I think they like each other.”

 

_ Kenma liking someone? What the fuck. _ “…Alright, operation ‘Akaken’ tonight.” 

 

“Bro!” Bokuto said with his mouth lingering on the ‘o’ shape. “Akaken, perfect! We gotta find out everything and ask everyone because what the fuck I feel like we’re the only two who knows jack shit.” 

 

“Being the last to know shit isn’t new for me, unfortunately,” Kuroo mumbled in mocked hurtfulness. “We’re gonna need all the energy possible for this mission.” 

 

Meaning all the drugs possible, but he wasn’t going to say that point blank to Bokuto’s face. What if he was all anti drugs? 

 

As if on cue with Kuroo’s rummaging thoughts, Bokuto asked the question that helped Kuroo’s soul ascend to the heavens with. “Might be a weird question but you know anyone going out with us tonight that’ll… have  _ stuff  _ on them? Like y’know…” 

 

He seemed shy to ask about it, understandably. There were always a few people who would flip the fuck out over the subject. Like Daichi—  _ definitely  _ Daichi. “Molly?”

 

Bokuto’s shoulder sank in a mixture of relief and just hearing the word. “I feel like getting so fucked up but the only person to ever have that shit on them is Terushima…” He made a face of discomfort for a moment upon saying the name. Terushima was Kuroo’s go to person to get messed up to oblivion with, but Bokuto apparently had a problem with him. Not his business, he supposed. 

 

“No worries bro, I got you covered,” Kuroo grinned and pulled Bokuto into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Do a line here then some more later yeah? I got 2 grams so that’ll be enough for both of us.” 

 

“Were you gonna do that all by yourself?”

 

“Honestly, I don’t really feel like being a dead rock for the rest of the week so nah,” he assured. Though if given the chance mixed with the irresponsibility that came with being drunk and fucked up, he probably would have tried.

 

Bokuto laughed and clasped Kuroo on the back. “Man I’m so glad we’re like the same, ‘Kaashi gets so mad at me when I wanna roll on a night out. Like come on it’s just fun!”

 

“Right? Kenma’s the same, that’s probably why they’re bonding so well, bitching about us to hell and back.”

 

“That’s believable!” 

 

Bokuto watched Kuroo crush one of the broken off rocks beneath a money note and credit card with an intriguing gaze, going on to talk about his day and how glad he was to make friends with Kuroo.

 

Boy did Bokuto not realize what kind of hurricane he was brewing up in Kuroo’s chest at that moment. 

 

Kuroo finally finished up and sliced up the now white powder into equal lines atop of his desk for him and Bokuto. “That a good amount for you?” 

 

He nodded and waited for Kuroo to rail his line first, slowing raising from his doubled over posture and tilted his head back to not lose a single grain of excess powder that clung to his nostril. Kuroo sniffed a couple of times before passing the tightly rolled note to Bokuto and he followed on. 

 

There was a light dusting of powder remaining on the table and Kuroo licked a finger to collect it all to rub it on his gums. “Always so gross,” he spoke around his finger, and Bokuto snickered at him. 

 

“Dude, I’m just dreading the drip.”

 

“That’s the beauty of it!” He touched his face where it was beginning to numb and wiped his watering eye. 

 

Bokuto tilted his head up to signal Kuroo to check his nose and he gave him the all clear with a thumbs up, both of them leaving the dorm room and joining everyone else having pre drinks in the kitchen. 

 

Kuroo and Bokuto settled on having their shot contest right then and there, but they were both stopped by Daichi and Sugawara when it was clear neither of them were going to stop until they died. Typical. 

 

It wasn’t like Kuroo was that much of a competitive guy, but Bokuto sure was. And just like that damn laugh of his, it was so fucking infectious. 

 

Kenma and Akaashi finally showed up, looking love struct as ever, and that's where Bokuto and Kuroo’s mission began. The group settled on going to the club called Ghost, which was kind of the hot spot for students and young adults in general. Though like any place, there were always a few creeps here and there.

 

Once exited the cab, Kuroo and Bokuto went straight to the guy who apparently knew everything that wasn’t his business. Oikawa. 

 

“Yoo-hoo! Since when did you two start hanging out?” Oikawa asked with that mocking joyfulness. 

 

“Thanks for introducing me to the best guy I’ve ever met, ass hole!” Bokuto accused with a whine, Kuroo chuckling beside him. “Not the point, you know shit so what’s up with ‘Kaashi and pudding head?” 

 

Oikawa raised his brows and whipped his head towards the pair. “Wait what, the two frigid innocents are talking to each other? Since when?!” 

 

Ah, he was clueless too. Kuroo gave props to Kenma’s stealthy abilities and Bokuto had the same to say about Akaashi. “It’s up to us, bro,” Kuroo stated, earning a determined nod off the owl. 

 

He could feel the roll creeping up closer, it wasn’t long now until his jaw starts going and he chews his gums to shreds. So while his ability to speak still stood, he asked a question he’d be curious about for the past half an hour. “You and Terushima, you don’t like the guy?” 

 

“I mean, I did,” he began, furrowing his brows. “I dunno, one night shit kicked off, and we just don’t get along.”

 

“He is an asshole to be honest,” Kuroo noted. “Whatever bro, you have me now!” 

 

He wouldn’t dare say that if he was not gradually getting more fucked with each second passing; he was confident, but not that confident. Bokuto probably just thinks Kuroo is some guy in his dorm, some random, unimportant, ‘totally not going to be long time bros’ guy—

 

“Yeah dude! And you’re like 5000x better than him. I’ve known for like what? A minute? And you’re already my favorite bro!” 

 

_ ‘Bro’, _ it hurt so good. Better than nothing, Kuroo supposed. “This shit’s starting to kick in, I forgot to bring gum…” 

 

“Shit hold on,” Bokuto paused in his tracks, digging his pockets and drew out a half empty pack of gum. “Here bro!”

 

“You’re fucking awesome.” Kuroo gratefully accepted the gum and held it in his hand for a moment, digging his own pockets for his cigarettes. Better smoke one now rather than wasting this gum. 

 

“You smoke? Oh wait of course, you were smoking when we met!”

 

Bokuto remembered a tiny detail like that? What the hell. Kuroo couldn’t stop himself from smiling now, though all the insignificance it held, it still felt… nice? “Want one?”

 

“Sure,” he said, drawing a stick out the carton. “Say, Kuroo?” 

 

Kuroo hummed passed the cigarette he recently lit, looking towards Bokuto. 

 

“You’re so cool, glad we finally met.”

 

It was probably the many shots and Molly talking, but hey, it still felt good. “Same bro.” 

 

They gave each other a fistbump followed by a giggle before they made it to Ghost, the line outside to get in moving rapidly so being stuck out in the cold wasn’t so much of an issue. Though that frosty breeze rendered Kuroo almost dead at times where it weaved through the thin material of his sweater, and he had to stop himself many times from not migrating closer to the warmth Bokuto sure did radite like he claimed. Being cold sucks. 

 

The club was brimming with liveliness, strobe lights blinding as usual, music banging as fuck enough to numb Kuroo’s melting mind at that point and an all around awesome atmosphere. 

 

They were lucky enough to catch the seating area in the corner and surprisingly— or maybe not so surprisingly at this point, Kenma and Akaashi were seated together. Fuck the whole sneaking around bullshit, Kuroo was gonna ask them straight. Bokuto looked at Kuroo in distress and followed onwards anyway, holding his breath for the potential answer.

 

“You guys dating?” Kuroo blurted, the widening of Kenma’s cat-like eyes laughable. 

 

He regained his composure gradually and cleared his throat, Akaashi beside him snickering. “Thought you said you told him,” he asked gently, Kenma pushing a strand of fallen hair out of his face. 

 

“I did, he just doesn’t listen when he’s studying.”

 

Oh. Of course he told him when he was fucking studying. 

 

“What?! Kuroo you knew?!” Bokuto erupted behind him, golden eyes wider than Kuroo had seen them go. “And ‘Kaashi? How come I don’t know shit?!”

 

“I mentioned it, but you were focussing more on your spikes.”

 

Sneaky shits, obviously they’d only mention their love lives when they knew Kuroo and Bokuto were at their lowest point in focus on anything other than their hobbies. Kuroo cackled out a laugh, running a hand through his mussed hair. “Damn, they’re perfect for eachother.”

 

“Yep,” Bokuto almost scowled, though without venom. “Come on bro, let’s give each other the attention these ass holes depreive us of!” 

 

Kuroo felt his senses wash away behind the growing heat in his cheeks and the numbing buzz going on in his brain. His speech was becoming increasingly more slurred as the night progressed and he was sure he didn’t have a tongue left anymore. Bokuto didn’t look much better than he did, and that obviously called for getting more fucked.

 

They dragged each other into the bathroom where it was only the two of them, thankfully, where they railed another couple of lines each while giggling and stifling laughter against the sink bowls while exposing untold stories from their school years.

 

“No way did that happen?!” 

 

“Who’d fucking figure a granny would be wearing such a lewd bra! She’s still young at heart,” Kuroo snorted at the memory of him spilling a drink over his teacher in school, revealing her beautiful purple lace bra supporting those shocking double D’s. 

 

Bokuto broke into raucous laughter again, grabbing Kuroo’s shoulder for support. They were stood  _ so  _ close, and every cell of Kuroo’s barely working brain had to work double time to not throw himself into Bokuto’s face and kiss the shit out of him. _ Shit,  _ maybe a drug that made him so painfully horny wasn’t the best plan. 

 

“Duude, I’m fucked,” Bokuto drawled, checking his eyes in the mirror before them. Pupils blown all the way to hell, much like Kuroo’s own eyes. “And really horny.”

 

_ Oh. _

 

Kuroo began chewing his bottom lip more than it could handle, and he could almost feel himself break the skin. “You uh— gonna try pull tonight?” 

 

He gave Kuroo a look, a kind of look Kuroo couldn’t quite figure out. Disappointment? “I dunno bro, there’s someone catching my eye but… I can’t.”

 

It felt like a dozen knives in his chest, honestly. “Who is she? Point her out and I’ll help you get her!”

 

Why was Kuroo making this all the more painful for himself? Because being bros is better than nothing. 

 

Bokuto cleared his throat and forced a smile. “Forget it bro! They left anyway…” 

 

“Oh,” was all Kuroo managed, dropping his gaze. “Whatever then! More shots?” 

 

“Lead the way man!” 

  
  


Kuroo’s mind decided the blank the rest of the night, snippets here and there, mostly about vomiting, vomiting  _ on  _ someone, running from someone, falling over, talking about how much he hates his sexuality to Kenma who couldn’t really relate because lucky him! He finds someone! He should be happy for Kenma honestly, but he couldn’t help but feel bitter and green. 

 

Being bisexual meant for some people more choice and variety. For Kuroo, it meant by chance he falls for a guy, it was the most painful shit because fucking hell, chances are he’s  _ straight. _ Who cares, not like it’s a romance thing, it was probably just lust. He’s only known Bokuto for a day after all.  

 

A casual fuck with someone else should fix that, definitely. He’s just horny, yes that’s the answer. Though Bokuto happened to be just Kuroo’s type.

 

Alongside the fact he’s so funny, so nice, clicks too well with Kuroo—  _ it’s just the looks, totally.  _

  
Kuroo found he didn’t leave his bed for the entire weekend, wallowing around in his own dramatic self pitying with his fried and dried to dust dopamine. Even Adderall wasn’t saving him from the growing emptiness and absent motivation to live at this point, so he just continued to sleep through his petty problems because that was  _ easy. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao a bokuro fic where either one thinks the other is straight is just my favorite thing, because silly boys. Feedback is much appreciated! <3  
> Talk to me on [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/)!


	3. Chapter 3

“Kuroo, get up now.”

 

Ah, of course. Kenma went and got Daichi. A routinely thing when Kuroo decided he was going to let himself rot in the comfort of his warm bed. His headache rippled with the sound of the deep voice and it took every ounce of his nonexistent energy to not tell Daichi to fuck off— but honestly, Kuroo was too much of a nice guy to dare say that to someone only looking out for him.

 

“Come on, you’re doing this a lot nowadays, what’s up with you?”

 

“Go away,” he managed, voice muffled with lethargy and the bed sheets raised over his face.

 

Daichi crossed his arms against his chest, knitting his brows together with concern. “I’m going to give you to the count of ten before I drag your sorry ass out of bed myself.”

 

The scary thing was, he wasn’t joking.

 

“Bokuto’s been asking where you are as well, don’t leave your new friend hanging now.”

 

 _Bokuto, Bokuto, Bokuto._ Oh how that name _really_ motivated Kuroo to get out of bed now. Why the hell do humans have dumb crushes anyway? “Mmmm—” Kuroo groaned, waving a hand to shoo Daichi.

 

“No, I want to see you stood up right now or I’m not leaving.”

 

After a gruelling minute or so, Kuroo sighed and sluggishly forced himself to move. Wow, he really hadn’t moved in a long time. His limbs felt a mixture of numb and filled with cement, bones cracking at the long desired movement that was a necessity for them to continue working.  

 

Eventually he made the full turn away from the wall he was staring at and sat up on the edge of his bed, not raising his bruised and bagged eyes to look at Daichi who was quite obviously glaring at him like a disapproving dad. When Kuroo took a moment too long to attempt to stand, Daichi’s firm grip around his arms came into his sensations and pulled him up. He almost forgot how to stay standing up on his own and relied on Daichi’s support for a moment.

 

“You good?” Daichi checked, already seeing the answer as a no for himself judging Kuroo’s gaunt and ashing visage, but it was just a habit to ask anyway. “Seriously, what’s going on with you?”

 

“Too much Molly?” Kuroo asked himself more than Daichi, though even without a drug filled night he found himself still feeling hollow and pathetic at times. Adderall usually picked him up, but the times he really needed it, it refused to do much other than keep his eyes open to feel every ounce of unwelcomed misery.

 

He wasn’t going to mention that to Daichi though, not a chance. Not like it mattered, Kuroo was _fine._ Kuroo buried his doubts under his skin and turned to fiddling with his matted, extra unruly hair which needed Jesus at that point.

 

“Though I can’t stress enough that drugs are bad and tell you not to fucking do them,” Daichi started with a stern tone. “But that I know you won’t listen to me. You’ve been studying too hard as well, take a break and just chill for a while.”

 

“I can’t, tests—”

 

“You know what every word on every goddamn textbook says like the back of your hand, you’ve got it Kuroo. Just relax a bit. But not by shutting yourself in your room for days and not looking after yourself.”  

 

Kuroo dropped his gaze as he didn’t really have the energy to argue with Daichi at this point.

 

“You’re starting to worry me. Not just me, Kenma too and anyone who knows you just cocooned yourself for 2 fucking days Kuroo.”

 

“Come on, everyone has cocoon days on the occasional weekend.”

 

It was just the MDMA after all, just a really long, really shitty comedown. Yeah. It’ll pass.

 

“Not to this extent, have you even eaten? I know for a fact you haven’t showered.”

 

“Mean! I smell like brimming fruit from eden.”

 

“Rotten and dead fruit with a side of roadkill, sure. Shower, now. I’ll make you food just get the hell out of this room.”

 

Kuroo couldn’t appreciate Daichi looking after him on days like these enough, though the worry felt wasted and useless. He didn’t like people to bother themselves with him when someone else is probably having a harder time— _I’m not even having anything remotely close to a hard time, I’m just whiny and dramatic._

 

He needed to get himself together otherwise his gleaming grades would drop like dead birds. _Fuck._

  


After Kuroo had finished up showering, feeling fresher than toothpaste in an unopened tube, he went back to his room to throw back a couple of Adderall pills in brief hopefulness it’ll help him get through the day even just a little and made his way down to the kitchen where Daichi had prepared mac and cheese for him. Man, Kuroo really loved Daichi.

 

The heart stopping moment was when Kuroo spotted the familiar flash of silver in the corner of his vision, which soon filled his entire field of sight. Bokuto looked…

 

“What the fuck bro?! I thought you died or something! You okay? Why didn’t you answer my texts?”

 

Pissed, worried, _pissed._

 

Kuroo reached to rub the back of his head, fingers lingering on the shaved area to his undercut and glanced away sheepishly. “I uh— sorry man I was just catching up on an assignment, had to cram it in…”

 

The glare off Daichi was swiftly disregarded, but thankfully he kept his mouth shut about Kuroo just idly curled in bed for all that time. Kuroo mentally noted he’d make it up to Daichi later.

 

“Geez, at least look at your phone, after Friday I totally thought like I dunno— whatever, glad you’re alive and all.”

 

“I actually… can’t remember shit,” Kuroo admitted. “What even happened?”

 

Bokuto opened his mouth several times but couldn’t find the right words himself.

 

Daichi sighed, shooting a look towards the two of them. “Basically, you were both being morons and had to be taken home. Obviously the two of you decided it would be smarter to leave the dorm again and go on a 3 AM adventure in the middle of Tokyo. I don’t want to go into details.”

 

“Basically you guys pissed on a police car,” Oikawa added from the lounge area with a snicker.

 

“And also ran away from the police whose car you pissed on.” Iwaizumi joined into the shaming pool.

 

 _“And_ Bokuto almost gave himself concussion by trying to jump over a wall and fell on his dumb face,” Akaashi appeared around the corner, lack of amusement in his tone terrifying. Well that explained the vague purpling on Bokuto’s forehead.

 

“Kuro tried to steal a cat,” Kenma noted with a subtle smirk.

 

Bokuto and Kuroo glanced at each other in brief moment of horror before erupting into exuberant laughter, clinging onto each other for support.

 

“Luckily I caught the two of you idiots before you actually got arrested,” Daichi groaned, handing Kuroo his bowl of mac ‘n cheese. “And unfortunately I had the undesirable _honor_ of seeing both of your dicks swinging around that cop car.”  

 

“Daichi-chan secretly wanted you both to get arrested so he wouldn’t have to deal with you two after witnessing that obscenity,” Oikawa laughed.

 

“Hey, hey, whose is bigger, mine or Kuroo’s?” Bokuto asked in genuine curiosity.

 

Kuroo suffered in that moment to restrain the reddening of his features. Competitive even in dick size, he wouldn’t expect less from that damn owl.

 

“Like I fucking gave myself the chance to catch all the details!”

 

“You should have!” Bokuto cried, shooting a grin over to Kuroo. “Hey bro, think I remember we crossed streams.”

 

“Bro,” Kuroo’s lips twitched into a smirk. “Now that’s next level friendship.”

 

“Bro.”

 

“They’re so gay,” Oikawa whispered, purposely at a volume for the entire room to hear him.

 

Kuroo and Bokuto chuckled at the comment, but it still stifled Kuroo’s heart regardless if it was a joke or not. _Damn it hurts._  

* * *

 

The door cracked open softly, barely a sound enough to draw Kuroo away from scribbling down notes across the paper before him. When the soft padding on the carpet reached Kuroo’s ears, he turned on his seat and gave Kenma a look.

 

They shared a stare down for a good few moments before Kenma finally sighed. “What, Kuro?”

 

“Had fun?” He crooned, lazy smirk upturning the corner of his mouth.

 

“Yeah, I did,” he admitted, smiling softly to himself.

 

Kenma going on dates, oh how things have changed. At least for the better in Kenma’s case. Now it was Kuroo sat around all lonely and avoiding social situations— not entirely intentional but anything that threatened his grades went down to the bottom of his priority list.

 

Except one particular threat that was gradually creeping up that list.

 

Kuroo couldn’t bring himself to hold off Bokuto’s texts, as much as he wanted to. Instead, the moment his phone buzzed he reached for it faster than he’d try to catch his phone from falling into the toilet.

 

Though they didn’t have too much time to hang out much in the past couple of weeks, Bokuto’s texts were lively enough to feel like he was right next to Kuroo, and that was plenty enough to drag Kuroo out of the heavy sludge he felt was drowning him for the past several days.

 

Finally, the Adderall was working, not to its best, but still working more or less. Even though Kuroo was taking significantly higher doses to feel something, it worked. He thought maybe he should stop for a few days—

 

_No._

 

That thought scared him shitless, he wouldn’t know what the fuck to do without it. Kuroo knew for a fact he wouldn’t leave his bed and he’ll sit around moping for as long as he didn’t take it.

 

_(Isn’t that a problem, then?)_

 

He paused midway through the sentence he was writing out, hand visibly trembling and sweat felt clinging to the end of his nose. _Not a chance._

 

“Are you okay?” Kenma asked, concern lacing his usually indifferent tone.

 

“What?” Kuroo blurted, not turning to meet Kenma as he had no idea what face he was pulling that moment.

 

“I can see you shaking from here.”

 

“Just a lot of caffeine,” he half lied. Caffeine was in the mix, but this level of tremors needed a hell of a lot more than just caffeine to surface. “Got a test in the morning, just kinda shitting it a little.”

 

Kenma hummed, and Kuroo heard the shifting around on the bed before he felt Kenma’s cool hand on his face. “You’re hot. Take a break.”

 

“10 minutes—”

 

“Now.”

 

If Kuroo had even the slightest thought Kenma was easier to deal with than Daichi, he was beyond wrong. He groaned and leaned back in his seat, reluctantly swiveling around to face Kenma.

 

They shared a glare with each other for a while and Kuroo felt like he was practically being crushed under that analytic gaze of Kenma’s.

 

“You’re taking too much Adderall.”

 

“What—” he choked, feeling his heart almost shoot up his throat.

 

“I know you take it to study, but you’re taking too much now.”

 

Kuroo should have known. There was no doing shit under Kenma’s nose, he reminded himself he’s the one who told himself that. “I’m not, just the normal amount as usual.”

 

“You take like ten a day, Kuro. If you don’t cut back I’m telling Daichi and you know he’ll kill you for that.”

 

The Daichi threat, which wasn’t even remotely funny because getting told off by Daichi was scarier than being told off by your actual parents. “Yeah, yeah okay whatever. Tests are almost out the way and I promise I’ll leave it after they’re done.”

 

“Promise?”

 

A promise with Kenma meant everything to the smaller boy, who was looking towards Kuroo pleadingly with those apprehensive glassy eyes. “I promise.”

 

_I can’t live without it._

 

His phone rumbled atop of the desk beside his sprawled out notes, not surprise Bokuto’s name catching Kuroo’s attention immediately.

 

Kenma stole a glance towards the illuminated screen before smirking, turning away from Kuroo and returning to his bed to play his game. What the hell kind of face was that?

 

 **Bokuto [20:56 PM]:** HEY BRO U FREE RN?

 

_No._

 

 **Kuroo [20:58 PM]:** Yh bro what’s up?  

 

Why does he do this to himself?

 

 **Bokuto [21:01 PM]:** every1s making me do the grocery shoppin cuz no food left and theyre just mean

 **Bokuto [21:02 PM]:** wanna come with so we just pick shit that we like???

 

Kuroo really wanted to deny him, but that in itself was a lie.

 

 **Kuroo [21:05 PM]:** lmao sure let me just get changed I’ll be down in a sec

  


The crisp air of the evening engrained itself into their chilled skin, layers upon layers doing little to fend off the sheer cold. Or at least, that was Kuroo’s case. Meanwhile Bokuto was going on about how this weather was heaven to him, even offering Kuroo his jacket several times which he had to routinely decline because Kuroo didn’t want to indirectly kill Bokuto with hypothermia and having Bokuto’s jacket on him would do all kinds of untold fuckeries to Kuroo’s organs.

 

Within the supermarket, Kuroo let his weight lean forwards onto the shopping cart as he scanned the aisles, not taking much notice to what the hell Bokuto was throwing in the cart. Mainly cereal, potato chips, chocolate, more chocolate, instant ramen, pocky, strawberry laces, basically everything on the list of ‘not healthy’. Not like Kuroo would be picking any differently to be honest.

 

“Don’t forget pasta, for that mac ‘n cheese,” Kuroo reminded, Bokuto perking up and almost jogging up the aisle to grab several packs of pasta.

 

“Cheese, cheese, cheese,” Bokuto chanted absently, raising on his tiptoes to see which aisle held the dairy products. “So I got a test in two days I haven’t studied for.”

 

Kuroo snorted, of course he hadn’t studied. “Well hey, offer is still on the table!”

 

“You seem really busy with your own studying I didn’t wanna bother you!” He squarked.

 

Kuroo craned his neck up from his slouch over the cart, looking at Bokuto. “Don’t worry about that, just text me when you wanna study and I’ll help. But the more you avoid it the harder it’s gonna be to get into it.”

 

“Can we uh… study tonight?”

 

One of the cart wheels faltered and Kuroo almost pushed it into the shelves before he quickly regained control, clearing his throat. “—Sure man, where you planning?”

 

Was he _blushing?_ Kuroo was probably imagining things, he hadn’t slept the night before after all. “Campus Starbucks? It’s 24 hour— but like I get if you don’t want to you look really tired and all and it’s getting late—”

 

“Bokuto, it’s cool, honestly,” Kuroo assured with a smile. What’s with him getting all weird and jittery about it?  “Grab some green shit before we get killed by Daichi then let’s get out of here.”

  


Although Starbucks was usually suffocatingly full in the still light hours of the day, the evening was soothingly serene and quiet with only the odd suffering student dotted around. Bokuto got the usual slushie and Kuroo a black coffee before they got down to studying.

 

Kuroo already assumed Bokuto would be one of those people doodling on their notes page instead of working out the questions but damn, this guy really hadn’t studied for a day in his life.

 

“Mind map, Bokuto. When writing out an essay you gotta plan it out first and it would make your life so much easier I promise.”

 

“I dunno how!”

 

“You know spider diagrams right? Dump the question in the middle and branch it off to ‘question’ where you’re basically taking the question in the middle apart and analysing each part of it, ‘context’, ‘main factors’ and ‘conclusion’. Then work out each section in steps instead of trying to answer the question straight.”

 

Bokuto looked completely lost for a moment before Kuroo’s words began to sink in, then he finally had a little light behind that perplexed gaze of his. “Dude, you explain shit better than the professor.”

 

“Years of being obsessed with studying, I needed to make it easy for myself to begin with,” he laughed. “Understand it better now?”

 

“Yeah— yeah much better thanks!” Bokuto’s shoulders sank in relief that the question actually wasn’t as disastrous and as impossible as he initially thought. “Once I done the essay can you check it over for me?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Bokuto was surprisingly focussed and determined once he got his head around the complicated part, only occasionally shooting questions over in Kuroo’s direction which was answered swiftly. Some questions however regarded Bokuto’s lack of knowledge on Kuroo wearing glasses, and Bokuto saying it looked good on him did not help the thorn in Kuroo’s heart.

Kuroo couldn’t stop his wandering gaze from shifting up frequently, lost in marvel at Bokuto’s seriously attractive face, the fallen strands of his gradually deflating hair and his constantly twiddling of his pen when he was concentrating.

 

He wanted so badly to just kiss the guy.

 

But—

 

They’re just ‘bros’.

 

He needed to fix this dumb, horny obsession fast, really fast. Before he ruined this growing friendship they he didn’t think he could make again with anyone else. _What to do, what to do?_

 

Kuroo slid his phone off the table and scrolled through his contacts, landing his thumb on a particular one.

 

 **Kuroo [23:39 PM]:** You free? x

 **Lev [23:41 PM]:** always for you tetsu! x


	4. Chapter 4

The familiar scent of sex and regret musked the cluttered dorm room, that sticky odious feeling upon Kuroo’s dirtied skin accompanying it. He hadn’t done anything for a while, so it was fair to say he was a little more than sore, especially with a beast like Lev going at it.

 

Kuroo and Lev had the odd emotionless fling here and there, usually when they’re bored, stressed, bored  _ and  _ stressed or just horny as hell. Turns out it wasn’t those sexual hormones driving Kuroo up the wall for all those weeks, because if that was the case why did he feel so fucking awful? 

 

And most of all, why was he still thinking about  _ Bokuto?  _

 

_ I’m so fucked.  _

 

Kuroo searched for his phone blindly on the bedside table, eventually finding it and allowing the screen to vanquish the darkness of the early hours of the morning. 5 AM. Lev was still snoring soundly beside him so Kuroo had the opportunity to get away without having to speak. 

 

Having a bedhead like Kuroo did, one would think there wasn’t a difference between his usual hair to his after sex hair. Well, those who knew him knew that sex hair, so Kuroo made a futile attempt to tidy— okay, not  _ tidy, _ but sort it out to the best of his ability to make it look like the mess it usually was. 

 

Thankfully, his entire dorm was still knocked out to oblivion. Kuroo padded carefully up the two flights of stairs it took to get to his room and crashed out like a spent old vehicle on his bed, sprawled with his limbs all over the place as he let the exhaustion fill his weary bones. He was just so tired. Kuroo had a couple hours to sleep before he needed to get up and face one of many treacherous tests he’d been dreading and pulling his hair out over for the past week. 

 

It still felt like he hadn’t done enough to prepare for it however.

 

_ Ah, who fucking cares at this point.  _ For now, Kuroo just felt like dying. 

 

This was college, there wasn’t room to get all dramatic and whiny over dumb crushes and feelings. Fuck it, Kuroo needed to focus on his damn work more before he really starts fucking up. 

 

_ No room for feelings. _

 

There was still a sandwich sat in the fridge longer than Kuroo had even known Bokuto, so he needed to get over it. 

 

It should be easy, so fucking easy. 

 

_ But why isn’t it? _

* * *

 

There it was. The last test— or the last one until a few months time. It almost felt good, until Kuroo reminded himself that he did  _ shit. _ He mentally beat himself up for slacking so hard, he should have studied more, he shouldn’t have distracted himself with Bokuto. 

 

He honestly wanted to die right now. Kuroo couldn’t even say his life was bad enough to validate wanting to leap in front of a train but hey, that’s what he was good at doing. Complaining about his  _ perfect  _ life. Lots of people have actual reasons for being miserable.  

 

Kuroo gritted his teeth as he left the room, keeping his gaze down and only just catching the greetings from Daichi, Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He gave a brief nod before he excused himself in a hurry, crashing through the heavy bathroom doors and hauling up nothing but burning bile against the bottom of the toilet bowl. 

 

“Damn, hungover or ate something bad?” 

 

That voice—  _ oh shit. _

 

“Bo?” Kuroo croaked through his shredded and raw throat, listening to the heavy steps outside of the cubicle stall. 

 

“You okay bro?” 

 

“Uh— yeah just… I think I did really fucking shit,” he admitted, voice bouncing off the sides of the vomit smeared toilet bowl. “Sorry, I’ll come out later, you don’t have to wait around.”

 

Truth was he wanted to hurl some more, that nauseous feeling twisting up his gut painfully and the lack of contents in his stomach leaving his head to go light and fuzzy, accompanied by a deafening ringing in his ears. 

 

There was a few moments of silence, and Kuroo almost thought Bokuto had left until he heard the click of the cubicle door. Bokuto peeked his head in and furrowed his brows at Kuroo's hunched over form. 

 

“Dude come on, you didn’t have breakfast,” he noted quietly, tone serious and firm which was strange against Bokuto’s usually cheery vocals. 

 

Kuroo felt a comforting warmth with the weight of Bokuto’s hand on his back, focussing on that feeling helped a little with the storm going on in his stomach. 

 

“Need to throw up some more or ready to get up?”

 

He stilled in thought for a moment, still feeling blindingly sick but there was probably nothing left to come up. “Think I’m done…” 

 

On cue, Bokuto moved his other hand under Kuroo’s arm, heaving his trembling frame up slowly to prevent another wave of vomit. He held his hand on Kuroo for a few moments longer before Kuroo gave him the all clear nod that he could stand, though he honestly was still pretty unsteady so he had to lean on the cubicle walls for support. 

 

“Sorry,” Kuroo mumbled. 

 

“What for? Come on let’s go fatten you up! Fuck that test, I’m sure you did great with all that studying, chill bro.” Bokuto frowned and put his hand back on Kuroo. “And I’m not letting you go until you get some color back in your face, you look like you’re gonna pass out.” 

 

Kuroo forced a stunted laugh. “Feel like it too, to be honest.” 

  
  


Bokuto dragged Kuroo to the campus cafeteria and grabbed a hefty amount of food to help Kuroo get back to his normal self again, as well as to quell his own monstrous appetite. 

 

“Now with that nightmare out the way… think we’ll be able to hang out more?” Bokuto asked with gleaming hopefulness in his endearing gaze. 

 

How could Kuroo reject that face? Of course he wanted to hang out with Bokuto, but God he didn’t realize how hard to was to ignore his nuisance of a mind— or more like his heart.  _ Probably my dick. _ “Yeah man, been a while since we’ve hung out during this whole test bullshit.”

 

“I know right! Say, someone’s having a party tonight, we should totally go yeah?”

 

“You don’t even have to ask me that,” Kuroo snorted. “I could really use a shot or 20.” 

 

“Preach,” Bokuto mumbed around the cup against his lips. “Get equally as fucked as last time?”

 

“Maybe without the nearly getting arrested part.”

 

“Aw but that was the best part!”

 

What happened next Kuroo did not see coming whatsoever, and still didn’t really process what was happening when Bokuto’s hand grabbed Kuroo’s face with his own face leaning in close and looking thoroughly gobsmacked. 

 

“Dude?! You have your tongue pierced?” 

 

_ Oh, right. _ Kuroo managed to breathe again and stuck his tongue out at Bokuto to show off the gleaming titanium through the pink flesh. “Uh-huh, and it’s good for many things,” he teased while disregarding the heat building within his ears. 

 

Bokuto howled in laughter and let his hand go slack and fall from Kuroo’s face, the warmth lingering and Kuroo’s skin longing for that touch to return. “Bro, you so gotta show me one day!” He winked, and boy did that kill Kuroo right then and there.

 

_ Fuck my life. _

* * *

 

The ring of the alarm barely reached past Kuroo’s ears, nuisance of a sound washed away behind the weary fog clouding his senses. Was it morning already? Wasn’t he supposed to go to a party last night?

 

Kuroo reached over to his phone with a groan, squinting with his almost blinded vision at the luminous screen before him. 6 PM. A nap that went a little too deep and now the sleep was deeply embedded into Kuroo down to the bone. 

 

He wanted to just curl up under the covers and go back into a slumber close enough to death— until he noticed the wall of messages below the time he’d been staring at for 5 minutes. Attached to those hectic messages were, of course, Bokuto’s name. 

 

**Bokuto [16:23 PM]:** hey bro im textin u so it looks like im doin somethin 

**Bokuto [16:24 PM]:** yes hi how are u 

**Bokuto [16:24 PM]:** ye im doin great thx 4 askin

**Bokuto [16:26 PM]:** totally not spyin on kaashi and kenmas date rn 

**Bokuto [16:29 PM]:** u should be here this is great omg 

**Bokuto [16:31 PM]:** omg 

**Bokuto [16:31 PM]:** dude they getting really close???? 

**Bokuto [16:32 PM]:** DUUUDE 

**Bokuto [16:32 PM]:** THEYRE HOLDIN HANDS AND SHIT 

**Bokuto [16:34 PM]:** so intimate 

**Bokuto [16:35 PM]:** feels like im watching porn holy fuck 

 

_ What the fuck indeed.  _ Kuroo snorted into the covers, scrolling further down the seemingly never ending wall.

 

**Bokuto [16:38 PM]:** hey but dude how u feeling after this morning? U okay right? 

**Bokuto [16:39 PM]:** kenma said u usually puke when u stress out

**Bokuto [16:41 PM]:** i mean not like u can help it but RELAX BRO

**Bokuto [16:42 PM]:** IM GONNA MAKE SURE U HAVE THE BEST NIGHT 2NIGHT OK?  

**Bokuto [16:44 PM]:** we gonna get rlly fkin wasted and rlly fked up that we wont b able to speak or walk or even see

**Bokuto [16:44 PM]:** probs not even breathe aka lets die 

**Bokuto [16:45 PM]:** its gonna be fun so dont stress buddy ♥

 

There are many ways to show someone you give a shit about them, and Bokuto’s way sure did stretch Kuroo’s lips into a stupidly wide toothy grin. Out of all the things to make Kuroo smile like that, he didn’t expect it to be the guy he has a painful crush over. Honestly he expected more tears and ice cream because God knows that crushes suck.

 

Perhaps this was all the more reason Kuroo thought he should start looking more towards his tightening friendship with Bokuto rather than whine and complain about a crush. A crush that will pass if he gave it enough time, because Kuroo felt like he’d die if he gave up a friendship like his and Bokuto’s.

 

Kuroo never had a problem with making and keeping friends, he was quite the social expert to some extent. But this particular friendship that grew rapidly and bloomed way before spring even came into play. It felt… 

 

_ Free.  _

 

Maybe this was the so called ‘bromance’ everyone craved, because if that was the case Kuroo could see why. 

 

Voices grew somewhere behind the walls, eventually drawing closer to his door. One of them he could make out clearly with the first syllable spoken, erratic and boisterous; Bokuto. The other, much calmer, rather bored in fact or just indifferent, similarly to Kenma. Kuroo assumed that was Akaashi. 

 

“Bokuto-san, you’re being too loud—”

 

“Where is it?! Uuugh that has literally everything in it!”

 

“Like what? A few coins? Don’t tell me you actually had money in there.”

 

“Pfffff no— but, ID? All my points cards? My gym entry card?!”  

 

By the sounds of it, Bokuto lost his wallet. Kuroo tried hard to hold a snicker off but it really wasn’t surprising he lost it, considering he was the one guy to always get locked out of his room from losing his key. 

 

“Have you checked your pockets?”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“What about your jacket pockets?”

 

Silence. Kuroo hadn’t realized he already left the bed and was pressing his face against his door to listen in. 

 

“Oh.”

 

That snort was definitely heard through the door, and the suspicion was confirmed when Bokuto’s heavy and hasty steps stomped over to Kuroo’s door. 

 

“Shut up Kuroo!” 

 

He swung the door open with that shit-eating grin of his, fatigue still weighing his lids down further than the usual heavy lidded stare Kuroo had. “You’re useless without Akaashi.”

 

“He is isn’t he,” Akaashi groaned, turning to make his exit. “Don’t lose your wallet again, I’ll see you later.” 

 

Bokuto dragged a hand over his face as he stared at his wallet tragically. “I literally spent an hour in the library looking for this fucker because I thought I left it there.”

 

“Dumbass,” Kuroo chuckled, voice just catching on a single dozing vocal cord. 

 

“You just woke up?”

 

“Uh— yeah, sorry didn’t answer your messages, I just saw them.”

 

“That’s cool man!” 

 

Without warning, Bokuto had already pushed past Kuroo and leaped onto his bed, making himself pretty much at home. Kuroo’s eyebrow twitched as he huffed a laugh. “Dude, off. I gotta make the bed.”

 

“C’mon, just join me and watch Netflix for a bit, I’m bored!” 

 

_ Netflix ‘n chill or what?  _ After a long moment of trying to muster up an excuse to not sit that exceptionally close to Bokuto, on a  _ bed  _ most of all, Kuroo gave up and dropped himself down on the bed beside Bokuto and reached for his laptop to open up Netflix. 

 

Being this close— hell they were actually squashed up beside each other from Bokuto’s muscle weight sinking the bed and causing Kuroo to lean more into him, Bokuto sure felt hot. It was comforting and nice, though Kuroo had to stop himself from full on snuggling against him and soaking up all that warmth for his freezing self. 

 

If he just shut off his anxious thoughts over the situation for just a moment, Kuroo felt like he could stay like that forever. 

 

“Still asleep?” Bokuto asked, interrupting Kuroo’s drifting mind. He snapped his head towards Bokuto and raised a brow. 

 

“Sluggish,” Kuroo admitted. “Long naps are the worst to wake up from.”

 

“Yeah, but they feel better than those bullshit 10 minute naps people swear by in the long run— like what the fuck, it takes me like 30 mins to just get my eyes to shut!”

 

“Right? Those people who fall asleep in like 5 seconds aren’t human.” 

 

“Hey, my shoulder’s free if you’re not done waking up yet.” 

 

_ Wait, what?  _

 

When Kuroo hesitated for the few seconds too long, Bokuto already took it upon himself to yank Kuroo onto his shoulder for him. This was definitely more comfortable than leaning his head back against the wall but—  _ what the fuck? _

 

“Better, right? Don’t be shy, we’re bros now!”

 

_ Shut up and accept it, yeah. _ “Uh-huh, watch out for drool.” 

 

“Pffff I didn’t say go back to sleep, I just said wake up properly!” 

 

“Well now being given a top class pillow, waking up for now just isn’t an option.”

 

They laughed together and went on to talk about T.V shows they’ve watched and what they haven’t watched along with more scrolling aimlessly on Netflix rather than watching something. Eventually, they found a show to watch but still did more talking than paying attention to what was going on, Kuroo’s head still comfortably rested against Bokuto’s warm shoulder. 

 

_ Holy fuck, _ Kuroo realized he was leaning his head on Bokuto like some cute couple shit. Well, he knew that anyway but it still didn’t hit him all in one go. Though, Bokuto said himself, they’re just bros. 

 

That word was going to haunt Kuroo until the day he died, probably even beyond that when he’s wallowing in self pity down all the way in hell. 

 

Over the next few minutes, Kuroo was gradually curling up closer to Bokuto, knees raised and leaned up against his personal radiator at that point. God, Bokuto was so warm, so comfy, why they hell couldn’t he have this guy when he’s suffering at night all alone? 

 

Kuroo glanced down to realize he was quite literally hugging Bokuto’s arm—  _ oh shit. _ But he hadn’t said anything yet? _ Probably too awkward to, I should let go…  _

 

“See, I’m comfy,” Bokuto smirked, glancing down at Kuroo. “You’re such a cat, all curled up and shit.”

 

“I’m cold,” he spat, pouting slightly. “Was, cold. I think you’re making me sweat now.”

 

In more ways than he could imagine. 

 

“Told you, I radiate heat!” 

 

Kuroo would have liked to stay like that and forget about the party they were suppose to go to later that evening. But all good things came to an end. 

 

The familiar scratching, irritation, annoyance rattling around in his head. Kuroo felt increasingly more fidgety and his headache today was almost blinding. He prayed it would just all wash away and clinging onto Bokuto would be enough to ignore it all but… 

 

He let go. 

 

“I uh… I’m gonna go shower and shit, you can wait in here if you want,” Kuroo mumbled, glancing away from Bokuto who only looked at him in that confused manner of his. 

 

“Oh right, sure. I think I’ll go get ready too, text me when you’re out?”

 

“Yeah, will do.” 

 

Once Bokuto left the room, he apparently took all the light and warmth with him. It felt bleak and dreary, the desolating chill creeping back in like it belonged there. Kuroo pushed past the throbbing ache behind his eyes and the growing emptiness in his chest to open his drawer, grabbing the bottle for a couple of pills to throw back in habit. 

 

Because every ounce of his hope laid within those damn orange little shits to feel something close to  _ alive. _

* * *

 

Contrary to his last night drinking, Kuroo pushed a little more effort into how he dressed this time. Maybe not a drastic improvement but it looked a little more like he cared rather than he just woke up like that. 

 

Though, who the hell was he trying to impress anyway? 

 

Kuroo decided right there and then that he was going to pull. Hell, he’ll even wingman Bokuto if it came to that. But fuck it, tonight was the night Kuroo would take a second swing at just fucking his way out of those god awfully crushing emotions of his. May it be girl or guy, anyone would do. 

 

Instead of the usual loose clothing Kuroo found himself comfortable in, he opted for a more figure hugging sweater, black and casual paired with the usual ripped skinnies and Doc Martens boots. Still slightly half assed, but it was better than plainly dressing for comfort. If Kuroo was honest with himself, he was a little self-conscious of his figure.

 

But no one needed to know that. As far as anyone knew, he was the most confident guy around. 

  
  


Kuroo finally came around to making an appearance in the dorm kitchen, catching Bokuto’s attention almost instantly.

 

He gave a low whistle of appreciation, jeweled gaze trailing over Kuroo almost in way that he was— checking him out? “Man, I knew you were a skinny shit but look that that model body!” 

 

Kuroo’s cough morphed into a nervous laugh as he reached the back of his head sheepishly. “I think beefcake bodies like yours are far more appreciated these days.” 

 

“I mean, dude we’re going to McDonald’s tonight to fatten you up, but for now I’ll appreciate that you look  _ awesome.  _ Girls around here would kill for your sharp edges. And fuckin’ hell, legs for days. But I already knew you had pretty legs.” 

 

_ Hah, girls.  _ “Callin’ me a girl now huh?” He teased with a twitch in his brow.

 

“The hottest one on campus,” Bokuto winked. 

 

Kuroo honestly couldn’t tell if Bokuto was being so blatantly gay right now or this was just all in the area of ‘bros’. Whatever, he’ll take it for now because he couldn’t deny it felt good. 

 

Paired with the usual craving for a cigarette was the gnawing anxiety over the predicament Kuroo had with his whole situation with Bokuto. He had absolutely no clue how he was suppose to act anymore, especially when he goes and shoots those kind of…  _ comments, _ his way. He even mulled over a way to slide in the fact he was bisexual and perhaps it would scare off Bokuto from saying things like that.

 

Or, do what any guy would do and Bokuto would only add fuel to the fire for shits and giggles. 

 

Come to think of it, Bokuto never specified he was straight, right? Kuroo shook his head, because knowing his own pathetic luck, he probably was.

 

Would it hurt to ask?

 

_ Definitely. _ Imagine if he was indeed and the most likely scenario would be that he’s straight? Would he be grossed out? Would he feel weird around another guy who had the potential to want to fuck him?  _ Potential, funny.  _

 

_ There was only 100% certainty in that.  _

  
  


Kuroo managed, only just barely, to keep himself more or less together as the night made a swift kick off. Drinks were going and the music was a pleasure to get lost within during those hazy hours of intoxication. It was going well, so Kuroo blocked off everything silently eating away at him, or at least blocked off the  _ feeling. _

 

It was still there, consuming, chewing, tearing at him. Such a petty situation ripping up his insides, what for? 

 

_ Why am I so fucking dramatic.  _

 

“Right, time for us to get laid,” came that familiar teasing voice, those very vocals Kuroo didn’t feel like hearing just then. “You uh… Which way you swing?”

 

Kuroo blinked, processing the question for a few moments too long. It was easy to just say he was bisexual to anyone that happened to ask, but to Bokuto it was another story. 

 

_ Fuck it, _ Kuroo was prepared for his life to go to hell anyway. “Both! Why not dip into both worlds huh,” he grinned, however strained and forced. 

 

A gaping void opened in the pit of Kuroo’s stomach upon levelling his eyes to rest on Bokuto’s rather horrified countenance.  _ So he is disgusted after all, totally regretting sitting so close to me.  _

 

_ I’m so disgusting, it isn’t right anyway, why the fuck did I turn out like that I should have just said I was straight what the fuck—  _

 

“W-wingman me bro,” Kuroo blurted, halting his thoughts from spiralling out of control and preventing them from reaching his stomach. God, he knew better than anyone that his mind alone was perfectly capable of making him hurl. 

 

“—Yeah! Course, I uh—” Bokuto looked lost, a little confused and some other mixture of emotions Kuroo couldn’t associate with anything other than regret. Regret for getting close with a  _ queer.  _

 

_ Goodbye to this friendship after all.    _

 

“What you feelin’ tonight, sausage or buns?” 

 

Kuroo, under normal circumstances, would laugh at the usage of words, but he could only give an empty snort. “Either will do…” 

 

A few moments were spared to awkwardness as the two shifted around where they stood, gulping down their drinks to fill the void widening between them. After a certain amount of time had passed, Kuroo couldn’t bare it.

 

“Yeah I’m just— going to the bathroom.” 

 

He turned on his heel before Bokuto had the chance to fit anything in, not that Kuroo expected him to. He probably just wanted him gone.  

 

On his hurried, not to mention sloppy journey to the bathroom of bumps and bangs into various guests, he ran into a vaguely familiar face within that hazy field of vision of his. All those shots really wasn’t on his side of luck that moment.

 

Who was he kidding, he most definitely knew that particular  _ snake.  _

 

“Ugh,” was all Kuroo could force himself to sound, receiving that every so cocky smirk off the other. 

 

“Well, well. Still pathetically alone and miserable, Kuroo?” 

 

“How’s Mika?” Kuroo taunted, earning that much expected scowl off the shorter male. “Ah poor Daishou, never know how to keep the fire lit huh? What happened this time, bored of that laughable twig of yours?” 

 

“Laugh all you want, at least I can get someone.” 

 

“For a glimpse of a moment!” Kuroo sang, stretching out that mockingly amused grin of his. It fell quickly however, into that indifferent glare laced with exasperation. “Move, you’re in the way.”

 

“Always so cold with me,” he huffed. “I’m miserable, you’re most definitely miserable, let’s do what we do best!” 

 

Kuroo rolled his eyes with a gradual curl to the corner of his lips. “I’m not fucked up enough to agree to that yet, Daishou.”

 

“Yet,” he echoed with a grin. “Come on, fancy doin’ a couple of lines with me?”

 

Daishou motioned his head towards the bathroom, the location Kuroo was aiming for to begin with. He stood his ground for a moment, reluctantly stealing a glance over his shoulder. 

 

A regrettable decision. 

 

Bokuto was busy chatting with some girl, auburn hair and a dozy look to her features. She was attractive, Kuroo couldn’t deny that, but the emerald envy seething beneath his skin was almost agonizing. 

 

With a few nods to himself, Kuroo turned back towards Daishou. “Yeah, whatever.”

* * *

 

When straight lines turned to waves, stairs turned to slopes and sense of direction went out the window, it’s a good enough indication that you were totalled. Staying with Daishou wasn’t a particularly sunshine and butterflies idea seeing as the morning after would only be all the more tragic, Kuroo decided he needed to get back to his own room. 

 

Boy, did it take a while. 

 

Sight being hindered next to total blindness and heart racing very nearly out of his chest, Kuroo was 10 seconds away from being certain he was going to die. And if he was to die that night, he’d prefer to do it in the comfort of his bed. 

 

Eventually, he found his way back to the dorm, struggling horrendously at just getting through the door and making it into the lit up kitchen. He didn’t think twice about there still being other people cooling down from that house party, nor did Kuroo really give a shit. 

 

Until he noticed that recognizable two-toned hairstyle still lingering in the early hours. 

 

“You can’t sulk here all night, eat this and drink water or you’re asking for an awful hangover—”

 

“But he went oooooffff with another guy, he’s not fuckin’ interested I fuckin’ hate my life why the fuck does everthin’ suck,” he slurred, flushed face pressed against the kitchen table with Akaashi beside him comforting him with a hand on his back.

 

With Kuroo’s fried and screwed senses and brain at the moment, he didn’t really understand what the hell was going on. He even very nearly burst out with the usual greeting they usually did before he remembered— 

 

Bokuto was definitely grossed out by him. 

 

Before Kuroo had the chance to sneak by unnoticed— not like he’d succeed at  _ sneaking  _ in the first place due to his noisy stumbling, the two figures at the table snapped their attention in his direction.  

 

“Kuroo?” Bokuto managed, and oh god was he crying? Big beefcake like him was _ crying? _

 

With that bubble in his voice and snotty face, Kuroo was caught right off guard and managed to stump his toe on some nearby furniture. “Ow fuck— heeeey uh… had a good night?” 

 

Dumb question. 

 

The wide glassy gaze off the owl held onto to Kuroo for a while longer before he retreated back into the crook of his arm. “T’was mmg—ood.” 

 

Kuroo assumed he meant to say something along the lines of ‘good’.

 

Disregarding the skull piercing steel glare off Akaashi, Kuroo excused himself and dragged his dozing limbs up to his dorm room. Man did it hurt to see Bokuto upset, and Kuroo wanted nothing more than to comfort him himself— 

 

But it was likely a drunken emotional bout from a failed one night romance. A one night romance that wasn’t Kuroo. 

 

Since when did he become such a bitter, rotten thing? Kuroo didn’t know, and didn’t care. It hurt too much to care these days. 

 

Kenma raised his sharp glare towards Kuroo as he stumbled over to his bed, drawing his brows together at the little amount of words spoken. 

 

“So I asked Akaashi about Bokuto for you,” he started, the words trailing right over Kuroo’s head.

 

“Uh-huh…” Kuroo mumbled into his pillow, the world around him still spinning and his restlessness remaining through the roof. Wow he felt fucked up.

 

“You have a chance you know, he’s gay.”  

Maybe the words didn’t quite reach his ears, explaining the reason Kuroo hadn’t reacted or even flinch at the revelation. 

 

“Um, did you hear me?”

 

Kuroo wished he didn’t, oh how he wished so badly.

 

_ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overthinking everything and being in that much denial makes one pretty dense... Cough, yes looking at silly Kuroo. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroo's a little love struct with our beloved owl.


End file.
